The year: 2036 O.C.¹, 0x13 P.A.² All CPU microcode now runs in a python virtual environment. A.I. agents perform firmware level age-verification in early boot to ensure compliance with Neo-Levitical Law before DRAM training can begin. The nix package manager is rewritten in reBPF³ and merged into the Linux kernel. The filesystem is now read-only and completely empty, in accordance with the FHS. All software is now shipped as derivation.ko files stored in two-factor USB authentication dongles, and will not run without a third-factor quantum-safe cryptographically valid signature from either Reuben, Simeon, Judah, Issachar, Zebulun, Benjamin, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Ephraim, or Manasseh Netanyahu. No one at work can understand why That One Dev who lived through The Old Days is always yelling and/or bursting into an involuntary mix of crying and laughter whenever anyone describes the current state of computing during the daily morning sprint planning or mid afternoon retro. Eventually a small community of courageous radicals decide that modern computing has done everything wrong and must die so that Our Field may be reborn from the ashes. Me and other gray(-by-then-)beards feel hope for the first time in recent memory. Navigate to the radicals' website to read their mission statement. Realize the community is just gay space communists reimplementing the coreutils in a GNU fork of Lean called Thicc that byte-compiles to Coq bytecode via a remote Homotopy Type Theory API that you can subscribe to here just by clicking this button and filling out the application for an Adjustable Rate Monthly Subscription and uploading a Legally Equitable Guarantee Statement.⁷ Mfw. --- \[Footnote 1: Old Calendar.\] \[Footnote 2: Post Apocalypse dating system, standardized in ISO 8601 version א, a document which no living human can read without the assistance of the latest AI, because (in the interest of inclusivity) this document was written in the now all-but-universal omnilingual generalization of legalese known informally as Babel, as first outlined in RFC Ω, a fragment of which can be found here free of charge: https://thedynamiclinker.com/root/src/5-dudetheyreontome/RFC+%CE%A9. For full access to RFC Ω, please install the RFC app from The Federal Reserve Play Store. And this week only, The Federal Reserve Play Store is offering a one time special offer of 7 yes that's right I said SEVEN anonymous purchase tokens, and remember folks these tokens are selling like hotcakes, each token gives you 1 transaction that you can make entirely without any effect whatsoever on your social credit store. Wow! And we're offering 7 APTs for just ₪⁴ 777! That's just Seven Hundred and Seventy Seven ONAN⁵ ⁶שח wow you're not gonna get an offer this good anywhere else folks, so act now, order today, offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.\] \[Footnote 3: A rust-based rewrite of eBPF.\] \[Footnote 4: The currency sign for the new shekel ⟨₪⟩.\] \[Footnote 5: Organization of North American Nations. Possibly a reference to Genesis 38. Onanism, derived from the biblical story of Onan (Genesis 38), primarily refers to coitus interruptus (the withdrawal method) or, historically, masturbation. It signifies a "spilling of seed" to prevent conception or for self-gratification. Historically viewed as a grave sin against God and natural law, it was considered a selfish, immoral act until the destruction of the Al-Aqsa Mosque in 0x10 P.A. and the beginning of Pax Judaica.\] \[Footnote 6: The long form of the currency symbol ₪, arising from a combination of the first Hebrew letters of the words shekel (ש) and ẖadash (ח) (new).\] \[Footnote 7: ARMS and LEGS are guaranteed by FNMA and FHLMC in the event of non-repayment or eventual cancellation.\] ![[onan.jpg]]