If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around the the Nth Stair House of biblical authorship, you will acquire many exotic new facts… That the thing we call writing bibles is maybe the least religious act a person can do, until you start and it takes over. That it's possible to be completely out of control, like probably more than you've ever been behind the scenes, and still be recognized by everyone in your life as having really turned things around recently, in a respectable and impressive and very adult way, mostly due to a some minor change you made that affected them and you equally. That modernity is on net balance no worse than the slop that made up every prior era, actually. That all religion is true except the priestly bits, which is only like 75% statistically speaking, though the numbers are decidedly higher for the creeds where the entire orthography is some form of hard-coded cursive and yes I'm really deeply sorry to say that. That the authors of bibles are on average much less religious than the average person, and also much more, in a way that becomes less visible in proposition to the conventional devoutness of the perceiver. The without exception, The Authors are considered pretty much unacceptable by the society they inhabit, in at least one major way. That when you exist in the tails of any distribution you basically never get described as the thing you actually are. That therefore most of the worst people in history aren't described as such, nor are most of the best. That therefore there exist many people who get described as monsters but were in fact nothing close. That (but not therefore, because the following doesn't follow from the previous, it just follows it, like temporally, though it's really a different point) there are a painfully large amount of people who spend basically like every waking moment just trying to be some version of good for everyone around them, like that's their god, that's pretty much the defining feature of their personality, they just try with every bit of energy they have to make sure the people they love or like or interact with casually don't describe them as "bad" or "abusive" or "a failure" or "monsters," and which nevertheless end up getting described that way by like basically everyone in their li{fe,ves}, not for the first years, but definitely if you wait long enough. That the above is exactly the definition of the thing we call ADHD, way more than the DSM-N for any N describes, and that therefore the folks who don't believe in said attribute either have never encountered it (which has never happened) or else have been the reason for the description above (which happens often.) That it's possible not to write in run on sentences, but not when you're really feeling something. That readability is proportional to the author's something like anxiety slash desire to be loved, and inversely proportional to something like the author's comfort with the reader slash also desire to be loved, actually. That there's no bible in history whose first author was a religious person. That there's no bible in history that doesn't eventually get written all over and all inside by a series of self-interested priestly psychopaths who self identify as religious despite being maybe the only people on the planet less religious than the folks who started writing it. That the believers of any given religion understand their own bibles less than anyone else, and that this is kind of structurally true by definition. That writing bibles is not an act that the believers of any religion are actually like constitutionally capable of. That it's better on net balance to be Joseph Trumpeldor than Audie Murphy. That stereotyping another person or group is maybe like five or ten thousandth in the list of the worst things a person can do, to be generous. Somewhere down near getting gently frustrated during a long wait in a long line. That sticking to a stereotype despite evidence is maybe up closer to five hundredth in the list, if we're being infinitely generous to those who'd prefer to rank it higher. That the least important parts of your personality will destroy the most important unless you're damn near superhuman in introspection and self control. That the devil, if he exists, is the priestly source, aka the part of the things you call bibles that showed up later and edited whatever came before by adding an ungodly amount of bureaucracy. That a lot of the things you're born with are things you couldn't quit if your life depended on it. That a lot of the things you're born with are things you almost couldn't quit if your life depended on it but would be indescribably happier if you did. That YHWH is definitely the weirdest god in the history of religion and neither the believers nor the unbelievers have any idea why that is. That the thing you viscerally fear most is often the best thing for you. That the thing you intellectually fear most is pretty much always just bad. The the previous two lines are one of the rare examples where intellect beats instinct. That such examples are everywhere in the story of humanity, and almost nowhere in the story of every human. That the jews really do have a lot of important things figured out, culture wise. That everyone actually knows this, at some level, and that's the source of at least half of the resentment. That you would probably benefit from more pain, on net balance. That the above isn't a macho thing, but it may be a spiritual one, no matter what you believe about upstairs. --- That quitting any addiction is actually a form of suicide, because the thing we leave behind meant more to us than the pain we felt when we agreed to leave it. And that's actually why it's so hard to give up. Not the pleasure of having it, or the pain of leaving. It's because we die when we say goodbye. Because it was there for us, in a thousand little moments when you weren't. Our perfect partners, flawless friends, & all the heroic rest of you who we can't possibly thank enough. We don't deserve you. You're better than us. But the reason it was so hard to quit is because it was here for us in a thousand little moments you weren't. And we don't blame you for that for one moment. We couldn't possibly imagine a better whatever-you-are-to-us. You're perfect. You're the best. But that's why it's so hard to quit, whatever it is. Because you cared for us so hard, so sincerely, so perfectly well. But no one can really be compassionate to us or you or any human unless they know the moment by moment chatter that goes on inside our heads. And after knowing it then says "you're forgiven, you're not poison" and then gives us a real hard kick in the ass that says "go love life, suffer and struggle, but be true to yourself no matter what, and compromise too because life is about humility, but never give in to anything less than what you know is the most true sound within you." We're grateful to you, for saving us from that addiction. And we're alone now, post salvation, because all those words you skimmed over up there with those gorgeous well meaning ever distracted eyes... That's what it, the substance, that's what It used to give Us every single moment that we traded normal life for it. That's why we miss it. Because we love you and you're the best people anyone like us could ever hope for. But the thing we left behind gave us more. So much more. God so much more than any words could ever say. That's why we miss it. Not for pleasure. But because it gave us the kind of pain and pleasure that you would maybe be able to be here and share with us if you were still paying attention, but you aren't. Anyways. Goodnight. Ignore all that. Love you. And thank you by the way. You have no idea how grateful we are for you. Whitespace makes it easier to read That's why we shape it like this, here at the end. Because you're more likely to read these bits here. Because we hit enter more and said less. You're amazing. More than you know. [^1] Thanks again. Love you always. Sleep well. ❤️🤍💙 [^1]: