## Definition Asshole Topology. (noun) The form of social network built by all modern "social" apps. Also known as the star topology, by uptight[^1] individuals. ## Explanation Picture an asshole. ![[kurt-vonnegut-asterisk-breakfast-of-champions-asshole-only.jpg]] Exactly. Like that. That's you in the center. Each line connects you to someone you met on some modern social app, like T.\*r or L.\*n. We draw an edge between any two people who know each other. Since no two people you meet on these apps typically know each other,[^2] we end up with an asshole topology. That is: You now know a bunch of people, but none of them knows each other. This makes the social network thus formed not really "social" at all. It's just a bunch of isolated individuals, connected by some asshole at the center. The asshole is thus the fundamenal shape of the social networks of modern life: the networks we build on all apps that claim to be social. ## Objection: What about "group" apps like M.\*up? M.\*up is even better at building assholes than all the other apps. It creates ephemeral groups, but nothing in its design functions to build persistent groups of people who know each other and interact long term. It doesn't create coalitions, and it is not designed in any way to increase the density of a social graph toward the limit of becoming a [[Complete Graph]], which is the social data structure that the average modern mind longs for and lacks. M.\*up is by no means an exception to the principle that all modern social apps create the asshole topology. ## Objection: My asshole doesn't look like that Yes it does. Just bend over and look. And if you can't see it, have a friend take a picture of it. And if you have no friends, well that just reinforces our point: Modern society is isolating as fuck, I mean you don't even have the kind of friend you trust enough to take a picture of your asshole. So, lacking close friendships, as you so obviously do, here's an argument from authority, to convince you of the veracity of the above representation of the timeless human hole in your assity: Kurt Vonnegut. He's an author. He's got authority. Hell that's almost the same word. And he's a better writer than you are, so he has better opinions. The following passage is from Kurt Vonnegut's book Breakfast of Champions. ![[kurt-vonnegut-asterisk-breakfast-of-champions-cropped.jpg]] ## Summary Assholes ruin everything 一 topologically speaking 一 especially modern life. In an asshole topology, we are closed off. Closed off from community, and closed off from each other. It's time to open up the assholes, and get rid of this shit. [^1]: See also "anal retentive." [^2]: With the exception of groups of people you've interacted with in person long term, such as a group of coworkers at a previous job, which would be closer to a complete subgraph within your connections on LinkedIn. The fact that these complete subgraphs appear on social apps typically only when they correspond to some long-term group with regular in-person interactions is precisely the point. The apps themselves didn't build those dense subgraphs. The apps built an Asshole Topology.